Penned Thoughts

Ever since the iPad came out, I’ve been thinking aloud about it on Twitter and going into furious debates with Apple apologists and haters alike but I haven’t been able to express my exact sentiments about this device as accurately and humourously as Mr. Brooker has. So go and give his essay a read. Needless to say, I absolutely agree with him.

In fact, a week before its launch, I wrote an article about it that never got published. Now that the Apple tablet has been released, it’s only fitting that I present that article to you, especially because I still stand by my opinion of the iPad as it was before I had ever laid eyes on the device. Here goes:

Ah, Apple rumors! You can never have enough of them. The most prominently accepted rumor currently is that Apple is going to unveil a tablet at its 27th January special event. You know, one of those notebook-without-a-keyboard things that no one has ever been able to figure out a practical use for? Yes, that’s the one.

Riddle me this—if you already have a smartphone (or an app phone, superphone, super-smart phone, freaking awesome phone, or whatever they’re calling them these days) and a notebook, why would you want another device that is neither as functional and powerful as a notebook nor as communication-savvy and portable as a phone?

The rumored tablet falls squarely in the category of products that people can only use in their toilets. I, for one, cannot even imagine any practical use for a MacBook Air, a notebook that is a little more portable than regular notebooks but much less powerful than one, besides serving as a very expensive secondary computer for people who only have a desktop.

There are two things to take into consideration though. (A) Different people have different requirements and what may not appeal to me may be a very compelling product for others; and (B) Apple has a knack for coming up with products that defy conventional wisdom and up the standards of usability to the point where they gain mass-market appeal.

In the old days, I would have unceremoniously dismissed all tablet rumors as fantastic sandcastles that only existed in the minds of their perpetrators. However, times have changed and Apple has been far more leaky in recent years than they used to be. It may either be by design or simply because it’s hard to plug all holes in the ship when you are a behemoth of a corporation. Either way, persistent Apple rumors are much more likely to be true these days than not.

Therefore, I do believe than an Apple tablet is coming, as prophesied in the holy scriptures. But I also believe that, just like the iPhone before it, the real deal will be quite a bit different from all that we’ve heard about it so far and will have unique features that we haven’t got wind of yet. And, of course, it will cost you more than the mortgage on your house!

And yet, somehow, I’m sure that I will not be purchasing it. Color me skeptical, but even in my wildest, most detailed fantasies, I’ve never been able to come up with an Apple product which would fill a significant gap between my MacBook Pro and my iPhone and would be a compelling purchase for me. I would love to be proven wrong though.

You know what would be awesome though? If, come Wednesday, all Steve Jobs does is talk about App Store download statistics for a half-hour and then hands the stage to Phil Schiller who spends another hour talking about a new version of iWork. One week later, they launch the tablet on their website with the slogan, “We just love messing with you guys!”