Penned Thoughts

There’s a reason why I try to stay away from Bollywood movies—99% of them suck. And All the Best: Fun Begins is an excellent example of another shitty Bollywood movie. It’s a shame what passes for a “masaala” flick in India these days—lots of corny, clichéd, deadbeat, unoriginal, and completely predictable jokes thrown in with some big-name actors who cannot act to save their lives and dumbass camera moves to round up the party.

Did you think that was a review of this movie? Oh, no, that was just a general overview of what most Bollywood comedies are like. This one, however, is in a class all its own. This movie is especially bad in the following departments—dialogue, screenplay, acting, camera, dialogue, direction, acting, casting, dialogue, story, acting, and the grating, horrible background music and weird snippets of sound scattered throughout. So yeah, pretty much every single thing that makes up a movie. And did I mention the exceptionally bad dialogue and acting?

I am feeling the need to vent out a little more spleen here, so here goes: seriously, Bollywood, what is up with the ridiculously low acting standards? I mean, really, how does someone like Salman Khan get to become so celebrated an actor, when all he has going for him are bulges in every portion of his body and a lame-ass hairstyle? Has no one realised that he basically only has two expressions and delivers pretty much every dialogue in exactly the same manner? And how, pray tell, does someone like Mugdha Godse score an acting gig? I wouldn’t even cast her in a thirty-second commercial, let alone a feature film! She’s quite literally the worst actor I’ve ever seen, and that’s including the likes of Fardeen Khan and Salman Khan, two people who I thought no one could fall below when it came to acting skills (or their lack thereof).

I know this whole review sounds like gross hyperbole, and maybe it is. Maybe I just do not know how to judge Bollywood movies. Maybe I need to go in with extremely low standards and the ability to laugh at whatever shit is shoveled in my face just because the poster labeled the movie as a comedy. Maybe I need to stop predicting the punchlines of dialogues and just give hearty guffaws every time it seems like I’m expected to. Maybe I should just like the movie because the thirteen other people I went to watch it with all seemed to love it.

But I just cannot do it. I’m sorry, but I can only state the facts as they are, and this is one of the worst ways I could have wasted three hours of my life. I think they should refund the price of the ticket and Ajay Devgan should personally apologise to every single person who sits through this movie for having put them through such mental and labourious torture.

What a worthless piece of crap! Honestly, if you are looking to die a slow, torturous death, a red hot knife will do the job much better and will cost you almost nothing. And it will give you the added satisfaction of your last moments not having been spent watching a bunch of talentless people running around making a fool of themselves and of the audience for three whole hours!

Let me spell it out for you: AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS!

-Aayush